He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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