I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
