I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
