You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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