oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
