i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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