Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
