I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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