Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
