Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my shit smells like andre
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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