I met the friendliest cop last night
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
