i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he fucked my hip out of place.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
