not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
