Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
