She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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