That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
