R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my mouth tastes like poor choices
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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