You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
