In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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