Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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