My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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