Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
