it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
