My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
