just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
