are you so shy because you have an std?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
