How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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