guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
