She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
