i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
