yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
