You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
