we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
