umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
