This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
