Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
