nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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