Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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