i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
