i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
