If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
