Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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