someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
