Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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