Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
