Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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