cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
