im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
