i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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