You can't motorboat a personality
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
