It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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