honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
