Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
