I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
